Charis’ Journey

I thought that one day, when I was living my dream life, things would be wonderfully easy.  I was wrong.  For whatever reason, we look at the future and assume that when we reach our goal or dream…whatever it may be, that life will just make sense and be easy.  The goal at the time was wife and mom.  I love my husband and our kiddos are great…please don’t get me wrong.  However, that goal has been reached and life is not easy.  Do I have the same challenges that I had when I dreamed of married life and motherhood?  Not hardly…no more worries about finals and papers and some how getting all the projects in on time.  No more do I worry about who the right guy is out there for me….I have truly found him.  We balance each other out really well…don’t get me wrong…we still have to work on our relationship and grow and learn and all that…I don’t miss those types of questions…I’ve found him.  Our children are so precious and sweet and though right now it feels like they will be toddlers and the diapers forever, I know that will so quickly pass me by.  That’s what life does.  It passes us by so quickly we can’t help but wonder where it all went.  The biggest thing I miss now…this may sound funny…is the dorm.  The dorm my freshman and sophomore year.  The hanging out with the girls without the responsibility and just having a blast.  I love my babies…I miss my girlfriends.  The freedom that once was there to go and do whenever is now gone.  I do realize that freedom comes with a sense of loneliness…I don’t miss that…I do miss those girlfriends though and wish that maybe we would have found some way to hang out more and just chill for a little bit longer.  On the up side…my mom is able to do that with her friends so I guess this too is just part of the stage I am currently in.  One day, I will look back and miss the little brown curls asking me to help her wipe or get her a drink or snack.  I will laugh when I think that she just told her dad that Jesus died so we could go to Nineva…the mixing of two Bible stories she has heard a lot about.  I will laugh when I think of the current struggle to get a 7 month old to eat.  I know in my head that one day she will eat something other than my milk though at this moment it is slightly overwhelming.

I guess the life lesson for today would be to enjoy the moments.  I don’t want to wish away my girls’ childhoods.  I need to enjoy the little struggles and frustrations and not focus so much on that future dream that I miss all the little steps that get me there!

The journey is so much easier when you have someone walking next to you.  I have an amazing director with Mary Kay.  She is a wonderful Christian lady who is willing to challenge me not only in my business but also with my walk with the Lord.  I needed to talk to someone and have confirmations made and also be challenged in my thinking.  The Lord is faithful and will be there and cares about the little things.  He cares that I am frustrated with my two year old’s inability to follow direction or listen in the most basic way.  He also cares that the five month old doesn’t seem to want to have a spoon come within inches of her mouth without telling us just how much she hates cereal.  He cares that I have a heart to reach women and don’t know exactly how to go about making that happen.  He cares that I have a Mary Kay business that can both help us…He gave that to me, and also bring me people who need Him.  He is so awesome!  Our God is so awesome!

I love my Savior though sometimes He can throw a loop that keeps you thinking and can get you stuck.  I dreamt about Teen Mania last night.  Working there and impacting young women who are embarking on such a year of change and challenges.  It excited me and made me want to apply right here and now.  All I could think about though is two little girls who need that input just as much.  A life in Lancaster that I wouldn’t want to leave and family close by that would be hard to add miles between.  Rusty has dreams and desires too and they all revolve around here…  Is it God or Charis????  I assume the question will be answered one day!

Oh, and then there is Mary Kay.  Is it for me?  Is my struggle to push through because God has something great for the future concerning it or because maybe it just isn’t what I am to be doing right now or even ever.  I hate uncertainty and feel like that is all life holds right now.